First came hi, then came a baby carriage

how does a relationship begin? If someone were to meet another someone for the first time in their lives, an like them, how can they go abt beginning a relationship. Do they go headline into it. Or is friendship required before companionship before love. Should you not take it easy, as a friend once told me, find all you can abt that person. find out if the 2 of you are comfortable in each other company (before their pants). Then probably find more excused to be in each others company. I guess that would be the natural flow of things. But what if through out this time, all you can think about is getting into the other persons time. Self - restraint my child...the word is self-restraint. Damn...why couldn't the word be Seize the moment.

A name

Shit...My voice is going again. Whats wrong with my throat. I feel like a bloody frog with a cold. Its not healed after like 2 weeks already. Its like some one has poured saw dust down my throat, or I'm swallowing sand. i've got a sore in my throat!

Whats in a name...isn't a name a sacred thing that only really and truly belongs to you. All the subsequent Murtaza's you meet will be judges based on first ever Murtaza you met. It is an identity that only you own. so shouldnt u hold on to your name. What does a nickname mean. Especially when u find that people don't know your real name. Am i regretting that i started allowin people to call me MAT insteand of sticking to Murtaza. Probably. The reason i did that is cuz i used to get pissed if they got it wrong.but isnt better a little wrong, than something alltogether new. on the other hand...is it really so important. i know people who go around all their lives without anyone ever using their real name. so what. The purpose of a name is to only be somthing that uyou can be recognised by. like a user id. And most ppl have many user ID's right. i have abt 3. is it something to get worked up abt. my gut says yes. but i guess its too late for the MAT users to become murtaza (and i have only myself to lame or that), but i'll be happy as long as they know that i have a name that is murtaza.

My legacy

I'm wondering....am i doing this for people to read, or just for my benefit. If i am doing this for your benefit then won't the content be different to if i was doing this for me. i would like this to be something only for me...that i let close friends read if they want to. Then maybe I'll be less self conscious or less trying to impress and more myself. it feels a bit naked tho...

So...truly truly fuck the world. Fuck the world for all its worth. Every inch of planet earth. that a start isn't it.

On the other hand, even tho what ever i say are the little thoughts that run around in my head, they might inadvertently hurt someone else. The way i write is the way i think. More or less exactly that way. A little raw and 'unclutured'. Thats probably the problem, tho i want to put in a clause...

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On the other other hand (the third one), it was very sweetly (the sweet that borders on the i'd like to kick your ass kind) pointed out to me that i have hurt some people feelings by what i wrote abt invaders soming to Sri Lanka and swallowing up our culture. I should apologise for calling them fuckers. i do feel strongly that what was called Sri Lanka culture has been eroded, but that doesnt mean that i can go around calling people names. Becaue i know people now and may know more in the future who are from that race. come to think of it, even i am a foreighn fucker whose ancestors had come to take advantage of lil 'ol Sri Lanka. Isnt this how racial hate and holy JIHAD's begin?