Misunderstood

I think the biggest problem was that I was Mr. Understood and you were Miss.understood. Sometimes it was the other way round as well.

But see everything is a learning experience. At least that's wat my alter ego (the shrink in my head) tells myself. On another note, I think that we all have our own little shrink in our heads. Usually he the cause of our mental fuck ups. 1 in 4 people are clinically insane....why you guys edging away from me...

I'll be happy as long as I no that I have made some sort of impression in to life. As long as I have a role. As long as I was not just something that would be forgotten and insignificant as the last chocolate I ate. Everyone wants a legacy. I want mine as well.

So if I was to guess my role, I think it would be...fuck (panic) I don't know! Was it the nice guy who was always there, was it the one with whom many adventures were shared, was it...Was it...Was it. See part of the problem was that I did not know.

On the other hand, the mirror role was that I was in interesting company. I felt the butterflies again. I was made to feel like shit at times. I had someone to admire and learn from. I could talk to someone and share unforgettable moments with. I have made memories, many good ones. I have learnt about myself. I have learnt about other people. I have learnt what to do and what not to in future. The flutterby's were worth it. They always are. They always will be the worlds greatest excuse for fallingin love!

Wait. Oh but there's more I need to get off my overburdened head. Why do I insist on carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. Because then I can feel invincible and emotionally charged at the same time. (doesn't make sense. Let me try again). Because I want to feel ALIVE. (once more...) because having issues is makes me vulnerable, and making vulnerable shows that I am such a sensitive guy, and being such a sensitive guy is who I am (and what the chicks dig) . That cannot be right. Is there another explanation ???

I have learnt yet again that I should trust my instincts. I was proved yet again that my instincts were always right remember the argument I had (with that idiot shrink in my head) telling me to trust my insticnts or else I'll be fucked. Well, sadly I am not fucked. My argument was that if I trusted my instincts, I would not experience. And experience is what life, esp my life is all about.

One more observation about me. Whenever i seem to be in a really high state of mind. I do crazy things and say crazy things, sing spur of the moment songs, say immensely funny and inspired things, like I'm giddy or something (people might think I'm drunk and they do) something terrible happens afterwards. Being in that state of mind is ALWAYS a forerunner to hitting the ground really hard. i feel really good, but i have realized that i need to be careful cuz the people around me (this usually happens when i'm with people) can't take too much of it and they might get pissed off at me. The point was that, as someone once told me is that when your immensely high or happy, your gonna come crashing down real fast. For me being in that state means that something bad (emotionally) is going to happen soon. its like a roller coaster, but without the fun. its like being psychic. i hate that. Cuz suddenly while being so happy, i am thinking to myself, shit this won't last long and i better prepare myself for the shit that's going to hit the fan later. Itsa bloody curse.

Shit always seems to happen to me when I am about to leave the country. Wonder why. Must avoid flying during relationships

Anyway...What I must remember from all this...

1. Be spontaneous about doing things
2. Trust your instincts
3. If you don't give it 100%, don't give it at all
4. You should not wait for love to make someone feel special. Make everyone feel special every moment of the day. You don't loose anything.
5. If you do not have trust, you have doubt and them you have nothing at all.
6. Understand someone - this is hard - learn to deal with them and there traits and habits
7. If you don't like something, figure out a way to make them know it (without feeling like a person with continuous issues)
8. Talk. It is not cheap. It is invaluable. If you can't talk, write. Writing is the window to your soul.
9. Its not enough to be the nice guy. Being the nice guy, doesn't mean that you have to take shit from someone.
10. You have to love yourself before you can love someone else
11. If you are shy, introvert, sensitive, very few friends in the world make it know in the beginning
12. Define what you want from the relationship at the beginning, where the relationship stands at frequent intervals, why your getting into it in the first place.
13. A relationship means you enjoy time with her more than with anything else without sacrificing time with friends, yourself, work and family. Its just that the priorities have changed
14. You are with that person for a reason. Else you might as well be with your friends. What makes a relationship a relationship is that whenyour with that person, its so much more intimate and different than being with anyone else.
15. Don't discuss important things via e-mail or SMS or even phones ifyou can help it. There's nothing as personal as face to face.
16. When you debate or argue, accept that you can be wrong. And know how to say your wrong even if you know your right sometimes. Its painful to keep hanging on to a stalemate.
17. Kiss and make up as often as possible
18. hold hands...Kiss...Feel...Get naughty...Get adventurous...Get passionate...
19. keep telling what makes that person so special. What you like about her, what you dislike about her )in a sensitive way please). And if you ask that kind of question be sure to be ready to deal with the answers.
20. I don't really believe in the fact that you should not deal with ex's once its over and that you can never keep contact with them. It really depends on how mature you are and how fast you get over them (obviously this doesn't apply to all situations and all people)
21. Don't generalize. I hate that. (Your just like every other guy with sex on their minds) everyone is unique
22. Both people can't be stubborn at the same time. If you decide to be the unstubborn one andlet up on any issue, the other person should not make it seem like she has won a victory
23. At the end of the day kiss and make up
24. go to sleep with a good night and wake up with a good morning (not everyday though cuz then it will becomes routine)
25. Break routine. Always.
26. The small tings matter.
27. Get friendly with the parents. (the closest way to a woman's heart, is through her mother :)
28. Get friendly with her inner circle and friends and relations
29. Get to know her dog...You can't guess how many times that could save you from embarrassing situations like visiting her late at night.
30. Always try to end the relationship on a high note. Like when you guys have done something good. When you guys are both thinking mostly happy thoughts. Not when you guys are screaming at the top of your voices at each other
31. Long distance never works. Never
32. Never make fun of her religion
33. Never say you hate anyone in her family or extended family for whatever reason, because as much as she hates them at that point, the moment you say you hate them (cuz your an outsider) she will hate you for that.
34. Never let religion be or become an issue
35. Don't say I'm sorry too much.
36. Don't let "I'm confused right now, so I can't tell you how I feel of or make a decision" become an excuse for not making a decision or saying something
37. Don't talk about past relationships (this was a hard lesson to learn and I am not sure if it applies to every person or situation)
38. never show intimate stuff you have written about someone else to her (another hard one to fathom)
39. Learn to see the sacrifices and changes of behavior the other person is making and thank them for it
40. be very careful before you judge someone

A recipe

Recipe for the success of a relationship:

1. empathize
2. share
3. Be there
4. understand, and even if you can't understand, accept
5. physical passion
6. Butterflies
7. can't wait to be with each other or talk to each other
8. trust
9. be great friends
10. Within a group of your best friends, you have eyes only for him/her
11. make em feel special
12. tell em why you like em...tell em what you don't like in em
13. spend time together
14. give it all - 100% or not at all
15. don't take em for granted
16. Patience
17. stop being afraid of making mistakes - both people will mistakes - both have to work through them
18. understand that both people will have expectations and these will be different
19. try to be as honest as possible - both with yourself and your partner - figure out what you think you want out of the relationship before you go into it
20. never ever ever get hung up on what other people outside of the relationship expect it to be like - one week I am angry with my partner - the next week I adore him - that happens and is normal
21. nobody is perfect not even you
22. if you like who you are, so will others - everyone has their insecurities including you but you cannot be with someone whose insecurities border on paranoia and end up hurting you or them or destroying the trust in the relationship - people should not stop trying to get over their insecurities just because they start a relationship
23. if you have a relationship based solely on how good your partner or you look, the lust will fade and it will crumble. have a relationship with someone who will argue, fight and fuss with you but support you, encourage, comfort and intellectually stimulate you.
24. you will fight and argue and fuss and fight - you can't get away from that - it's not bad, it's a coping method and nobody is perfect. A relationship where you don't argue is boring and not worth it - no bad bits means you cannot appreciate the good bits.
25. You need time to yourself too. You may want to be with them 24/7 but even you will get bored and tired of hanging out with them all the time. You need to accept that you need time out to be just you - to be yourself and you need to accept that this doesn't mean that you don't love them. It means that you are you and they are them and both of you need space so you can appreciate being together. Who you are isn't who you are dating - it's who you are when with yourself, family, friends, colleagues and your partner. You are all those facets of yourself and who you are when you are alone is just as important as who you are when you are with others. 24/7 only works for awhile at that lusty period at the beginning of the relationship - afterwards you will gradually settle into a pattern. This is natural. - passion, sexual desire, nonsexual desire all go up and down during a relationship and that is normal. You cannot be someone who is happy all the time, horny all the time, loving all the time or lovable all the time. Be yourself and work on your faults and stop putting pressure on yourself and your partner to be constant in your levels of desire and passion. You are human not superhuman.
26. What makes a short term relationship work? Very very simple: WILLPOWER
27. What makes a long-term relationship work? Not so simple:
    1. Shared Values. Eg.respect, fairness, honesty. (Because then it doesn't matter how diverse your interests and quirks are - you have a solid base)
    2. Shared Beliefs and Priorities. (They need to be EQUALLY important to each other - eg. both need to have each other as their 3rd priority)
    3. Similar Lifestyles. Empathy & Understanding comes from Knowledge - if their experiences and lifestyles are too different from yours they will never understand you, only accept you. How long can you be just accepted? (And you can't like anything you can't understand)
    4. Equal Attractiveness & Equal Attraction. Follow this one and nip insecurity - the number 1 relationship wrecker, in the bud. (Damn this has turned into a fucking article from an agony aunt.)

Thanks ppl (Aysh, K, Mari) for contributing to this. As and when more stuff comes in, i will surely put them up. this has been good therapy for me as well. sorry you buggers have to put up with this. I promise i will stop focusing on myself in the near future.

Excitment is in the horizon. Its tingling the ends of my nerves. i am getting butterflies...tho of a different sort. soon, soon...the wait is killing

Blog Marathon

You inspire me in weird and wonderful ways...lately though in frustrating bouts of hair tearing.


Hence the surge of writing

Well hopefully now it should be over

I have other challenges to deal with

My woe

Let me define the reason why i like you my friend...Its because your amazing company. You make me happy when we talk. I like what you are and i would never want to change that. You have qualities of a person that i really admire. Passion, determination, ambition, intelligence, humour.

Lately i'm beginning to feel like we don't see eye to eye anymore. Things that i say spark fire in your eyes, and i don't want to be thick skinned anymore. i won't ignore or bite back that the hurt your comments cause me. I feel that if i wasn't there, you wouldnt miss me much. I wonder what my place is in you life.

Love Bites

A friend sent me this...I really like it and it related to me. Some of it i knew, some of it i did not, but the reason i'm putting this up is so that v will be able to look it up anytime we want...


01. Do not fall in love every time you fall in bed. Learn to detach emotionally.
02. Sex does not equal commitment.
03. Do not revolve your entire life around him/her. Addiction is bad for your health!
04. Do not cling, act needy or demand. Doormats are for your feet, not your heart.
05. It's OK to say NO!
06. Stop talking so much. NEVER reveal everything.
07. Do not grill them or their friends for information.
08. Master the art of LISTENING.
09. Treat him/her as you would your best friend.
10. Friendship creates long term love and comes before sex.
11. FORGET about fixing your partner. IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN.
12. Your choice of partner is a reflection of who you are and who you are not!
13. Enjoy the moment first. Live in the present.
14. Don't worry about the ex's or start naming your future children.
15. NEVER read their journal or go through their paperwork.
16. If you have no trust, you have no relationship.
17. Allow space and freedom between you.
18. DO NOT always be available.
19. Calling frequently is a turn off and signals insecurity, neediness and control.
20. Open your eyes to lies and cheating, OR... close them...justify the bad behavior, and live with the consequences.
21. Little or no eye contact? Start walking. They won't even notice your gone.
22. Anyone preoccupied with their physical appearance and dress, usually have very little or nothing to offer from within. Look beyond the physical!
23. Never compromise your values.
24. If you OVER give, you will lose your lover and her/his respect.
25. DO NOT LOSE YOUR IDENTITY.
26. If someone REALLY wants to be with you, they will be.
27. State your personal rules in the very beginning or expect them to be broken.
28. If they ask to be just friends, be just that and look elsewhere for a love partner.
29. If someone wants to really be with you, they will. If they keep giving reasons for not calling or say they are extremely busy, GET THE HINT, leave them alone.
30. Don't ever give up your friends for him/her.
31. If your partner one day leaves you, be sure you have friends, money, a career and a life of your own which you never gave up. If you do not, who do you have to blame but yourself!

Finally...

" No one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE. No one stays in love by chance, it is by WORK. And no one falls out of love by chance, it Is by CHOICE"