The evil that lurks within you

Dripping with slick, sweat and slime.
Crawling on legless feet
Like a monster banished from the nether reaches of the deep
One eye revealing the disgust within
As it sees out, seeking to spite and fright
A nightmare of the sickest kind.


Born out of fire
From a desire consumed by lust
Created this monster
A mistake craving vengeance

That which should not have been
Is now happening
It’s out, loose, away and about
This creature horridly deformed
A product of a race with no regard for their wrongs



(Written on 19th of Oct 2004 – just the need to write something with monsters in it. Don't ask...i was angry )

That awful word - pride

A monster lurks
Hidden inside behind every word, breath and action.
It awakens at times
When manly pride is let loose
And displays itself in actions
Selfish and crude

Is it a monster or your own laziness
to control our emotions and instinctive reactions
when were feeling trapped within us.
Why do we lash out
ignoring our conscious
left with so much embarrassment

when pride rises out like a shroud over sight
leaking into your mind and taking control
you lash out to the helpless
digging your own hole
disregarding the disgust that disguises and hides
who you really are and what you
truly believe in.



(Written on 19th of Oct 2004 – written out of the feeling of foolishness felt when you try to get people to give you or do things that they don’t want to. But you still insist cause once you asked, and they refusd, you don’t wanna stop cuz of your foolish pride)

Other randome stuff. now don't complain ok

When you’re sad and lonely…
Tired of your own company
Dreaming of a fairytale that comes true only on TV
Missing a warm embrace on a cool night

and wondering if this is how my life fated to be

(When I was feeling melancholy while watching swan princess on tv. 14/09/04)

Have you ever had the feeling that time and life is passing you by, while your standing shellshockedstill and dumb and helpless in the centre of all this activity. As if you great plan has been misplaced by the powers that be. At times it’s almost as if your moving backwards.

"its your fault !”



Do you wake up to happiness
Or repent your past foolishness
Is your day full of hope and great of deeds yet to spring forth?
Or are you crying over your regrets.



Pain, anger, pride, hate, fear
Drive a mind to the chasm of despair
Not realizing that happiness is a choice
Of leaping high rather than falling
A choice we’re too easily avoiding.

Inspired by this email: - written on 19th of Oct 2004
“You don’t find happiness in the absence of problems, you find it in spite of your problems!” You choose it.
If you wake up saying, “I hope I have a good day, and then I'll be happy”, you never will be.
In a Nutshell:
You make the choice to be happy first. Happiness is a daily decision.

The aftermath

Thousands have lost their lives. To them the ordeal is over. But to those who survive, it has only just begun.

The awesome, amazing power of water. How many of us could ever suspect that water could be so destructive. Ironically, we all know that it is essential for life; no we have seen it washing away lives and homes with it. A man told described its effect to me, “it’s like a giant hand crushing a Vesak Lantern.” Last week I was in the affected areas of Hambantota and Tangalle. I saw it. But I did no believe it. The closest that I can come to imagining it is to see a huge hand sweeping away the pieces off a monopoly board.

I did not understand the scale or enormity of the destruction even as I was watching it unfold on TV and Radio. Surrounding me was a series of gruesome facts and images reminiscent of a horror movie. As I stood amidst a shattered house in Tangalle, I still could not comprehend the extent of the destruction around me. A war could not have caused more damage. Nothing man made was upright. Crushed to the foundations. At places (like Kahawa – North of Hikaduwa ) even the foundations of homes were plucked out of the ground.

The destruction of homes and the wreckage of the families left behid chilled me more than the bodies that I saw hauled out of the lagoon 5 days after the the tsunami. They had lost every recognisable human trace and were just reduced to being a bloated vessal that was once human.

What numbed me was a thought that crossed my mind (as I listened to a young man recount the last few moments before his younger sister was wretched away from his grasp by the onrushing water) was…what if this had happned to me. Where would I have found the courage to ontinue to live as Isalvage what remains of my home. What of my lost dignity as I am compelled to stand by the roadside, begging and fighting for aid. Would I be shutting my mind to the loss of my family and friends who were but a moment before laughing over a small joke. Would I have given up hope for survival or just survived on hope.

I remember overhearing some foreign photographers talking about the lack of good photographs during this assignment. About how people were just emotionless. Did they not realise that we have still not come to terms with what has happened around us. How could we have cried when we had no tears left to shed. How could we accept what has happened, when our minds cannot accept or even believe it.

Yet, why is that everywhere I look, people seem to be picking up their pieces and fighting to face the next day bravely in defiance to whatever nature throws at them. How is that people are surviving. Is it because of the outside aid that we they are recieveing. Because of the feeling that there are people that care for them and their future. Yes, this has something to do with it. But I think the reason that we seem to be slowly moving on is Human Spirit (or probably selective amnesia). The fact that we can lock away the pain and suffering and concentrate only on the task at hand and the future…as far as we dare see. The conviction that we have to move on and build over our lost dreams. For that can be the only answer to how we are the most succesul race that we are. How else can we explain our survival of all the catostrophies



The tragedy is not the wave or the loss of lives. It is the lives that were not lost.

The flute charmer

Breathe…softly…soothingly
Feel your heart, your mind and your soul.
Blowing from you lungs
In sync and in control

Purse your lips and pretend like a lover
About to impart love ever after
Joined from the lip in rhythm together
Stop for nothing, this is your dream.

The power! the master and the creator
An extension of your inner self
Thru an instrument of music
Thus begins the journey,
a lifetime of creating history.


(From period when i was fascinated by the instrument)

Now what....

Time to go home i guess. Yay. back to my book. Right now reading charms pratchet. The 5th elephant. Do i have to say its awsome! Still, i am not over colin de silva tho. i hope i will never be. its like i did not want it to end. It would be just perfect if i'd died after. Very sad it ended. Sadder still to know that i think he's died. i highly rate and recommned his books. The 2 i read were winds of Sinhala and Founts of Sinhala.

Looking forward to the concert on Monday. not looking forward to anything else that would happen on Monday tho. 8.00 bloody am meeting. i only hope i wake up. The only good thing is that we get yummy kiribath. this is obviosly a CIMA mtg. A lot of my frnds are coming for this hope fully, Bludge, me, azi, kamila, shyala, hopefully mika, murtaza, mufu, dhushy and julaine. That abt covers it i think. Ayesha too will be coming.

Still haveone more holiday to go. Sunday will probably be wake up late....cycle to work, giving my photos to print for the ad aid charity auction, mosq for lunch. After that its a bit hazy. Wanna watch aviator and school o rock hopefully at some point.

had an experience with the cops. Got a ticket cuz i was drivin a car that had had the signal lights stolen. when i told this to the big loon of a copp, he actually apologised for giving me the ticket!!!@# very shockin behaiviour for a copper. After the usual rastiyadu i go to collect my licence. Then the buggers cannot find it. BUT they were very POLITE. Unbeleivable. What are the word of coppers coming to. Theywasked me to sit, told me that theyd look for it and to come tmrow. Then i go a few days later, and they still can't find it. This other bugger got everyone else to wait while he looked for it. it was still lost. He actually took down my no. n said he'd call me!@!@!#!!## After ui left, and got in the bus to come to wrk, he actually CALLED me. and said he found it. Then, finally after i collected it today, i thanked him, and he said he shld be apologising to me instead. WOWOWWOWOWOW. It really shock the foundations of belief i had built up of copppers being down right ass holes. Welawatte police rocks!

In more news of my life (ppl reading this can feel free to skim these boring bits...it'l probably be me who skims it anyway) got a hair cut and a massage. For once i came out with a satisfied cut. Although the bummer being that the price had increaed to a freakin 100 bucks. That is borderline, and my limit. better look for another place. 80 is on the high side, 60 is ideal.

Lets see what other old stuff i have done in the past i cn put up....Shit 11.15. Time to go home.

This is my Philosophy

i think that this is my philosophy when it comes to exploring the country side....

"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."
– Ralph Waldo Emerson, poet, philosopher

he he

Sex is not the answer...


Sex is the question. Yes is the answer!

When your in love

I didn't realise i was in this kid of soppy soppy mood. But i found this interesting and what better place to put it up so that you might find it interesting to...


Boys, just do it!----Tell her you think shes cool. Tell her why you think shes so cool. Smell her hair. Talk to her in movie theatres. Pick her up and pretend youre going to throw her in the river; shell scream and fight you but secretly, shell love it. Hold her hand and skip. Hold her hand and run. Just hold her hand. Pick flowers from other peoples gardens and give them to her. Tell her she looks pretty. Let her pay for stuff if she wants to. Introduce her to your friends as The coolest girl I know. Sit in the park and talk to her. Take her to the library, and playgrounds, and train stations. Tell her dirty jokes. Tell her stupid jokes. Write poems about her. Just walk around with her. Throw pebbles at her window at night. When she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her. Take her to shows of bands shes never heard of. Hold her hand in the mosh pit. Let her fall asleep in your arms. Call her. Call her back if she calls you. Sing to her, no matter how bad you are. Carve your names into a tree. Get her mad, then kiss her. Give her piggy-back rides. Go see her band play even if they really suck, and tell her they were great. Give her space if she needs it. Push her on swings. Stay up with her all night when shes sick. Make up pet names for her, but cool ones, not sappy ones. Teach her guitar. Lend her your cds. Write on her. Make her mixtapes. Write her letters. If she asks you to go to a show with her, go, even if it means a 5 hour train trip. Take her to cool shops, and let her take you to even cooler ones. Listen to all the bands she mentions. Dont tell her that her favorite bands suck. When shes sad, hang out with her or stay on the phone with her, even if shes not saying anything. Buy her ice cream. Let her take all the photos of you she wants. Look into her eyes. Slow dance with her, even if the music is fast. Kiss her in the rain.When you fall in love with her, tell her. <3