(Don't read this ok)

Gosh..gosh..gosh....

Time flies. It really flies and stops for no man (or woman). I realized that its been 6 months since i last wrote. I thought that i don't need the blog anymore. I was wrong. So wrong. I really do need it.i am lazy thats all. I can't even find it in myself to wake up on time for work. I need it because its an outlet for my crazy and weird emotions. My life isnt really that weird. Only i am...

It shouldnt be right that you feel alone when your in company. Thats not fair. especially when you don't want to feel alone. I'm beginning to get that sinking feeling that no one understands me...or that no one wants to. The last time i felt this was when i went thru some tough times with family (growing pains i guess you'd call it). What is the cause of this. i don't want to get into this now.


Maybe the fault that i have so few friends is mine. I didn't realize till very recently that you have to put a lot of effort into making friendships work. They just don't fall into your lap. Even with knowing this, i am not doing anything about it. Shame on me. Do i really think that i can live my life alone. Do i think that someone will arrive who will want to be with me so much that i wouldnt have to worry about trying hard to making it work. It will work on its its steam.

Gosh this sounds pathetic. i don't care. It's my blog. And if i can't be pathetic in here, where else can i be pathetic. Maybe if i am pathetic here, i won't be pathetic in life. See..another reason why i need you...my blog

i feel like i should give you a name. Would you like to be a male or a female? How about dost (friend). well that will have to do till i come up with a better one.

What do i really want. I want to feel the love. They say that love happens when the other knows all your faults, but forgives you for them and loves you regardless. I'm willing to put up any sacrifice to feel the love, to have someone who cares about me, what i'm feeling and thinking. who is there for me, supports and encourages me. Who is my friend, but more. The kind that will not tell me i told you so. the kind who will be telling me its gonna be alright.

I look forward to some alone time and indulgence this weekend at Hikkaduwa. Strange that even in an opportunity to be with company i'd rather be alone. But that is only cause the company isnt really the kind where i can be my self. Its a workshop. A paid holiday.

I'm begining to wonder if i really know my self. thats bullshit. i do. I do know myself. and i love myself. I will not allow anyone to make me feel any less than i am.

see you later dost.

Your pathetic friend

PS: I hope you didn't read this...